These are Your Biggest Problems with Insta-Femininity & Insta-Wife Advice

Titus 2 instructs older women to be “reverent” in their behavior and to teach younger women what is good according to the Word of God. The bulk of the verse is pointing young women in the direction of spiritual fruit bearing. It is a beautiful thing when women can uplift and edify each other according to scripture, albeit encouragement or rebuke when necessary.

It is GOOD there is a booming niche for womanly wisdom: young women searching for godly instruction as well as other women sharing godly instruction.

With that said, this instruction still does not replace a relationship with God nor does it replace experience as a growing woman/wife. It is one thing to learn from the mistakes and successes of other women, it is another thing to live by their opinions and yes, even their convictions.

It is not all rainbows and unicorns in this sphere. We could easily critique feminine content creators and wifey influencers, I have a “content watch out” list but first!

What is YOUR problem? Look at the plank in your own eye! We must walk with God before we walk with strangers online.

1. An OVER abundance of online femininity and wife advice

Hashtags, recommended follows, suggested posts, and explore feeds–you’re likely inundated with femininity coaches (whether they are only influencers or offer sessions).

Again, we could blame creators for creating, but obviously they want to attract attention. Instead, assess your own behaviors when it comes to CONSUMING their content.

Are you eating the meat and spitting the bones? Or, are you surface-level reading and compulsively searching for a new golden nugget?

Are you mentally taking notes and digesting thoroughly? Or, are you binging on all the “How to Get Married” or “How to Please Husband” posts?

Gluttony is a sin. Not only can we overeat physically, we can overconsume information. Diligently searching for what “our itching ears” want to hear reveals how quickly we become dissatisfied with what we know.

At what point are we dissatisfied with God’s generous gifting of His Word? When you rather comfort your single/married anxieties with worldly content rather than say a prayer and wait on the Lord. When you are doing nothing but reading, liking and saving. When you think that the next post is going to have the solution to your problem.

You will forever yearn for more knowledge when you can’t get enough or when you believe that just a little more insider insight is going to change your life. Does more knowledge equal more success?

Active knowledge can be put to work over time. An unused influx of information does nothing but sit. Anybody can post anything about being a woman and wife, but you are still responsible for your beliefs, thoughts, and actions. You still need God’s Wisdom above everything all to form proper beliefs and make proper choices.

Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. 
Colossians 2:8
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
Philippians 4:6
2. The psychology of femininity and wife advice

I was enthusiastic and relieved when I came across other women looking to hone their innate feminine nature. This is what I always needed!

Over time, coach-y, business-y patterns emerged within this realm. There’s no issue hiring a femininity coach or a marriage counselor. There is no issue with developing a coaching business around femininity and wifedom. However, trendy commercial, algorithm-friendly content in the coaching business has to use one basic marketing tactic:

Proffer Solutions to the Consumer Based on Their Pain Points.

Marketing 101 says, “here is your problem and I have the solution.” Full disclosure–this article uses a similar approach.

Many influencer women use their husband’s reactions, their client’s success stories, or whatever to remind you that you are still lacking in some area but if you get in on their services then you will assuredly master this pain point.

Whether you are truly struggling with femininity or not, the obsession with bettering yourself makes it easy to get sucked down the rabbit hole (while feeling bad for yourself)! Since content is designed to do this, it’s important to clear your focus after reading a post that assigns issues you might have as a woman/wife.

How can I measure up to these amazing wives who have huge followings? How can I become more attractive to an eligible Christian bachelor? How can I be as smart, attractive, fun as this woman? How can I have this girly lifestyle? How can I improve…how can I…how can I.

Your pride is usually the target when it comes to personal development. Instead of constant self-improvement, God offers some really good advice on how to live. Hint, less about you…

Love God and Love Others.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
Matthew 22:37-38
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
Philippians 2:3
Photo by Kim Stiver on
3. Shrinking of your worldview

The more you absorb a certain type of content, the more you think about the world from that perspective. Your thoughts are formed by what you pay attention to, right?

First, these conceptual topics define the way you see things–usually the slant is negative considering that your is desire to learn/improve and that implies a lack in your own life:

The people in your life appear as shadows of feminine and masculine traits rather than people. The sweetness you share with your husband feels lackluster compared to that fiery wife’s approach. Your kitchen isn’t productive enough because you’re not making your own yogurt. Your favorite single influencer got engaged, cue your panic about failure to be “wifey material.”

Second, influencers become an expert in your eyes. Remember that they build their platform, become a brand and “reputable source” by obsessively talking about a specific topic all day, everyday. Your brain will associate this person with this topic and the more they coincide, the stronger the neuro-connection, and the deeper your trust.

You may find yourself analyzing your husband or suitors, if single, with eyes that are not your own, they are eyes of the influencer. Eyes of the other 1342 likers, eyes of the smart girls in the comment section.

What about God’s eyes? and, the eyes He gave you?

This strong trust towards a person, especially a stranger, and obsession with a concept can become a form of worship or idolization if you are using them as your go-to. There have been times where a situation arises and my first assessment mimics what So-and-So said about this type of scenario.

I have had to stop myself–what does GOD SAY? Am I even praying for wisdom and discernment?

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

Be encouraged by taking responsibility of your habits and thoughts. When the blame is shifted onto the content creators, you will continue to be weak in your beliefs and esteem as a woman. When you take your thoughts captive and moderate the content you see, rather than consume it all, you will have much more “earned and lived” success as a woman. It may not be tangible but it certainly will be spiritual.

With love,
Mama X


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