Now that Valentine’s Day is over, I feel comfortable targeting a tradition that I never quite agreed with: Galentine’s. Galentine’s is the celebration of platonic relationships among women and is supposed to be celebrated on February 13th. It can be argued that this is a great way to remix a holiday that can be painful for some. Basically, it’s a way for those uninvolved in romantic relationships to participate in the holiday of love without feeling left out. Perhaps, it’s a distraction from one’s singleness or even a diss to the exclusivity of romantic relationships.
For the sake of this article, romance will be used to describe romantic relationship between lovers, man and woman.
In any case, there’s no mystery why women celebrate Galentine’s and men don’t. Surely, it’s cutesy and trendy and fun. It’s all about inclusivity and women are more prone to inclusion. Men desire romantic love just like women, but women struggle more with not having what they badly want. For the sake of inclusion, Galentine’s bends limits and rewrites definitions of love.
Now, Galentine’s demands that romantic love must also be about platonic love. The two loves are highly needed and fruitful in any one person’s life. However, the two loves are different for a reason. Blending the celebration initially seems like a genuine way to make everyone feel included.
Nobody wants to feel left out of love.
But…when you have muddled the definition of romance and platonic ‘ships, you may just end up left out over time: still single believing that friendly love is a worthy substitute for romantic love.
Platonic love and romantic love are both valuable but are still different. Romantic love certainly requires a level of friendship but friendly love can never replace the intimate relationship between lovers.
Why are single women obsessed with changing the traditions of love? Maybe because it’s hard to see that the mindset, habits and customs promoted by Galentine’s (or perpetual platonic ‘shipping) keeps single women single.
Give “significant other” authority to girl friends
I saw the Galentine’s posts–single women receiving bouquets of roses from their girl friends. Not only is Saint Valentine’s Day a time for romantic love, roses are also symbolic of romance typically given to a woman by a man. My husband (yes, WordPress friends, I got married! Updates later.) brought me a dozen roses, my grandfather brought my grandmother a dozen roses, and millions of other men brought their ladies roses as a symbol of love.
Welcoming your girl friends to give you gifts that represent the intimacy shared with a man confuses the subconscious. Replacing acts of romance between lovers (man and woman) with acts of love between friends (woman and woman) blurs the lines around who reserves that special place in your heart. Over time, letting your friends fill the role of significant other can leave little place for the unique feelings shared between man and woman.
Grew awkward with romance
Similarly, the more you encourage romantic gestures from your platonic same-sex friends, the more you disconnect from the true vision of romance. Galentine’s takes away the significance of love with a man by forcing romance into the bond shared between friendly women. When the image of love is repainted to include girlish friendship, your instincts for love, romance, flirtation, and intimacy will be tainted. Down the line, a woman can grow awkward with romantic love losing touch on how to attract it and receive it from men.
Fell complacent in quest for love
Placing your girl friends in the same tier as lover can cause women to become comfortable in their comfort zone. Often, women will support and even encourage behavior in their friends that is fun, exciting and cool disregarding whether that behavior attracts or repels men. You don’t need to be romantically involved to celebrate love. Love yourself! I’ll be your boyfriend for the day, you’re perfect just as you are, those guys are the problem…
Over time, affirmations and validations from a girl clique create blind spots in a woman’s vision for love. What women and men promote in women often differ. Girl friends, especially single girl friends, cannot replace the encouragement, wisdom and nurturance that comes from a man’s love. Sometimes that includes a nudge to personal development that your friends are unlikely to address.
Too busy with the girls
Holidays with your friends are great, especially if you are far away from family. However, tradition between family (father, mother, and children) are moments that create legacies. Friendships are wonderful but cannot produce the fruit that is grown under the conditions of intimate union. Spending much of your time, energy and resources on friendships can signal to men that you are unavailable or not looking forward to creating legacy. If your girl friends are consistently wining and dining you on special occasions then a man will see there is no need or space for him to wine and dine you. There’s no perceived need for a family-oriented, marriage-minded man in the life of a woman who is constantly busy with her friends.
Lost hope for a relationship
Sometimes, gals celebrate Galentine’s because they are hopeless romantics and need to forget their singleness. This woman is most likely to get my sympathy. She may earnestly desire a relationship with a man and the pain of not having a man drives her into distraction as a coping mechanism. The pattern is right there: she keeps distracting herself from love because she doesn’t believe in it, anymore. Her girl friends cannot make up for her longing. Galentine’s as a coping mechanisms is no evil on its own, but continuing to pursue distraction where she feels a deep sense of need will take her off the course of love and into the course of pity.
There is still time to prioritize your relationship with romantic love and it starts with lovingly keeping your girl friends where they belong. Nothing can replace the union between man and woman. Frills and distractions are fun until you realize you’ve been avoiding what your heart truly longs for.
With love,
Mama X
the Hopemade Woman 
Thankyou for this post. I have never thought of this before and I don’t disagree with what you said I just have a few questions: moving forward on Valentine’s say what is a single person meant to do? Spend time alone? Work? Cry them selves to sleep? Lol realistically how can a woman who is single practically make space for romantic love when she has no suitors ?
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Hi Alexandra, thanks for reading! Glad to have you here, you ask a great question…
I hate to answer with a question but I’d like to pose it, why must a single person celebrate Valentine’s Day? There’s nothing wrong with sharing the love with your family and friends but why is it necessary to replace the sad feelings of singleness?
I’ve personally never celebrated valentines unless I was in a relationship and shared it with my person. It’s like walking into somebody else’s birthday party and wanting them to sing me happy birthday and give me gifts, too. Romantic love is for those in intimate relationships and it’s always been okay for me to “sit this one out” if I didn’t have a role to play.
There are many things you could do. Be happy for others, be with others and if it’s about them then let it be about them. Watch a romantic movie. Put pretty flowers in a vase. Have a normal day.
I love the question about making space for romantic love without currently having suitors, and my response is going to take some thought. First, I say, make sure you are not seeking to fill that hole with other instant/cheap gratifications. Honor the fact that you have a deep desire for love. Seriously, cry about it if you need to. I will make a post about a practical approach but it all starts with emotionally opening up to romance and not trying to stuff it with fluff but truth.
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