Did God Answer My Prayer?

Being a single mom is not glamorous. And I try not to harp on it because I desire and pray for marriage. I know this is for a season, not forever.

The more I see my girl grow and develop her own personality, the more I wish I was married and did family right because I’d have a higher chance of staying home to raise her. My dream is to be a stay-at-home mom especially during these formative years. 

It’s not that I don’t like working, because I love it. But motherhood has imparted on me this huge heart-tugged value on home and family life.

I was supposed to write this blog post a month ago when we first went on lock down and social distancing from work was my new assignment. Originally, I wanted to share an optimistic point of view–how excited I was to finally be a “stay-at-home mom” despite the coming weeks without work. Without an income. HOPEful, right!?

How often do we pray, even jokingly, for another day off before Monday? For a few more minutes (or hours) in bed? More free time with family? Margin to get the “other things” done?

A month ago, I was preparing to enjoy all of the stay-at-home things. But I didn’t consider all the other stay-at-home things.

Like, not actually having more margin to do the cool stuff like blogging…and exercise, ha. Not reaching those high heights of perfect momming. Silly family bickering. (One word: SPACE.) Anxious eating. Struggling to find routine. The list goes on.

The truth is, I am a big dreamer with lofty dreams. I want to be an impeccable mother and I have my own idea of what that means. The truthier truth is, I won’t be a perfect mom. And it doesn’t even matter because my child is just dandy, healthy and safe. She doesn’t know perfect mom criteria but, she does know love.

Sometimes, we pray for huge changes in our life. We want to skip the trek and the climb and just reach the hilltop. The point is only the top because it is defined by its low surrounding valleys. Life is the trek and the only top is Heaven. 

When it comes down to it, that’s really what we’re praying for: a little slice of peace, perfection, beauty. 

Note to self: if you stopped looking so hard and started praying more simply, you’d realize you already have it!

With love,
Mama X

 

 

 

 

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